Adoption Journey to Taiwan (and Back)

New Blog

2007-01-16T15:04:00.000-08:00

We'll be moving over here, if you're interested in keeping up with our post-adoptive life.

Year in Review

2007-01-10T07:04:00.000-08:00

It's time to shut down this adoption blog -- mission completed -- and we'll continue on with Martin-Spisak musings in another thread soon. But as a celebration to the year gone by, here's a 10 min. video, if you've got the time.

Much love and thanks for the support.

Luke & Sheri

But still a clutz

2007-01-07T10:55:00.000-08:00

But, I have to say that he's still a total clutz. The skinned nose and lip were because of TWO face plants while running down the driveway. We're starting a "stitches pool" if anyone is interested in guessing the date for his first emergency room visit...

Smiling Boy

2007-01-07T10:50:00.000-08:00

We're seeing a lot more of this smile now. It is remarkable how quickly he is transitioning to the mad world that is the Martin-Spisaks. We've found that he goes through stages very quickly. For instance, at his first pediatrician's appointment back in early November she said that, he should be climbing up on chairs on his own. Well, he must have understood (okay, not really) because within a day he was doing just that, and now pushes chairs around the house and stands on them, just to prove that he can do it. And he's getting pretty good with the chainsaw too. If only I could get him to stack the wood neatly!

Long Awaited Photos

2006-12-16T06:20:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay, I know I've been delinquent. These are from late Oct. to early Nov. I'll post a whole batch later (yeah right) to flickr.

Ubiquitous bath shot.
With Grandma Yvonne.
For every "keeper" we've taken ten times as many shots. He has a remarkable ability to turn away or drop a smile as soon as the camera is focused on him.

Slides were his first major obsession/accomplishment.

Nothing would get a smile out of him this day, though we were very lucky to have him stand still for a few seconds.
First cupcake. (With Sheri at Olivia's soccer game.)

Food in hand. His preferred way to travel.

p.s.

2006-12-02T15:38:00.000-08:00

I'll add some photos later. Still uploading them...

What's Up?

2006-12-02T15:32:00.000-08:00

Yes, it has been a while since we’ve added anything to our blog.

What’s up?

Hmm. Not sure how to go about answering that question. Did I mention that back in early October we packed for, traveled to and returned from Taiwan? And that we now have a fourth child, a sweet bear-like boy named Seth?

I took a month or so off work. I went back to work. And we’re now partway between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I suppose your better question would be, What’s not up?

There’s a busy-ness with parenting, whether it’s one child or more. But if you only have one child don’t fool yourself into thinking that four’s probably not that much more difficult. You only have 24 hours in the day, no matter how you look at it. Actually, that’s not true. I didn’t realize it until entering the realm of four-children-hood that the Time Gods figure that you’ve already hit your family allotment – everyone is given a maximum of 120 hours per day per family. So as long as you stay with five and under, you’re okay. Once you get to the sixth, you start seeing a reduction in your personal allotment. Your kids still get 24 hours. But the parents see theirs reduced accordingly. So with four kids at 24 hours each, that gives you about 12 hours each, on average. Some days I give Sheri 16 or 18 hours and drink a lot of coffee, and other days she’ll give me more than my 12 hours. I hear, though, that once you have teenagers there’s a whole different way of calculating things. Something about the square root of despair, but that doesn’t make much sense to me yet.

Anyway, what about Seth? He’s doing well. Great. Okay. Up and down. Clingy and then oblivious. Eats and sleeps without much problem. He got sick about two weeks after we got home and I must say that it was horrible – particularly because we didn’t know that he was sick. He just seemed to be grouchy, inconsolable, was sleeping poorly, and wanted nothing to do with me whatsoever. We considered the latter a good thing (though sad for me) because we could see it as a stage in the bonding process, and realized that attaching to Sheri was better than attaching to me, because of a little fact that I eventually was going to have to make my way back to work. But once he worked his way through the virus, he was back to his easygoing self, as easily going to me as to Sheri. And that’s good. But it’s not good. It’s good because he’s pretty easy to live with – feed him, change him, rock him, hug and tickle him, throw him way over your head (ah, that’s me – Sheri threatens divorce when she sees some of my super-tosses), and he’s happy. But it’s bad because there’s still something missing. I think that if we packed him up and brought him back to St. Lucy’s he would be sad – having left some great people behind – but he would transition back to what he knew. The completion of attaching means that’s impossible, that his very DNA wouldn't allow such a hand off. And I mean it. All this nature vs. nurture crap comes from sociologists who have never adopted a child. There comes a point when you are connected by more than an adoption decree and mutual fondness. I think if you’d dig through my DNA code, and that of my children, you’d be surprised to see that there are common strands among all of us, adopted or biological. That’s the mystery of adoption.

I’m not yet ready to say that the months of waiting – the needless extra months of waiting because of a lazy bureaucratic judge – are disappearing. I can’t say that it was worth the wait or that it was all in its own perfect timing, two things people kept saying to console us. The wait was wrong. And for me, until he is fully bonded with us (and us with him) I won’t be able to forgive that judge. Think of it this way. If this adoption had happened in June as it was supposed to have, we would be four months closer to the end of this attachment period.

So, that’s what’s up. Oh, yeah, and the house is a mess and we have very little clean laundry. But I do have a 1L bottle of Jagermeister in the freezer. I tell the kids that it's my cold medecine.

Home at Last

2006-10-22T20:26:00.000-07:00

Our final days in Taipei were wonderful and for the most part leisurely -- we slept in, strolled around, saw a few sites, swam, ate noodles, went up and down the glass elevators, headed out for some souvenir shopping and even, believe it or not, had some half-decent Mexican food. (We just happened on a little taiwanese-taqueria near the Chiang Kai Shek Memorial.) Oh, and Sheri, Grandpa Dave, Maya and Olivia all went to see a Chinese opera, acrobatics and kung fu at Taiwan Eye -- Sheri says that it was one of the highlights of the trip and would recommend it to everyone. I had the honor of hanging out with a cool little toddler in our hotel room.

For those who were with us through Maya's Chinese adoption, you know that it was days and days of paperwork, running from one office to another, getting something notarized and then the same thing authenticated at another office. In Taiwan, the process couldn't be easier. We showed up at the American consulate (AIT) at around 8:00 (I forgot visa photos at the hotel so had to quick head back for that -- if anything was about to complicate things, I wanted to be sure that that anything was me). Then we waited about 15 minutes for our names to be called, filled out a bit of paperwork, went downstairs to pay the visa fee, headed back upstairs and waited about 45 minutes, raised our right hand to swear something about something, and that was it. Our interviewer even had the time to tell us how great Taipei is, complete with Costco, TGI Friday's and Outback Steakhouse, and still have us out the door by 9:30. That's it! Oh, I guess I had to walk the three blocks from our hotel the next morning at 11:30 to pick up the visa, but that was just a nice stroll, so it doesn't count.

And, fitting with the easy immigration process (and contrasting the difficult court process), our journey home was relatively effortless -- or at least not as traumatic as we had convinced ourselves it would be. Two miserable parts of the trip: 1) the taxi ride to the airport, dispatch radio on full blast, Chinese pop station blasting on the radio, Hello Kitty cell phone continually going off, while Lu-Yu was restless the whole time; 2) and then the check-in at LAX this morning. It's been a long time since I've traveled domestically with paper tickets, which means you have to wait forever in a long line, and there had to be a gauntlet of five or six security checks to pass through (at 6:00 a.m.) in order to make it to the plane. But the 45 minute sunrise flight into San Diego was spectacular -- made leaving beautiful Taiwan a little easier.

I have to thank Sheri's family for showing up at the airport this morning. We flew into the commuter terminal, so it was quiet, and we all hung out, Lu-Yu running around with his cousins, happy to go into everyone's arms. Thanks -- Terry, Carole, Joanna, Dave, Jake, Sam, Anna, Shannon, Steve and Shelley -- for the bagels, coffee and mimosas in the parking lot, a well-stocked fridge, an industrial-strength highchair, for the Frida care and for all the cool toys for new little brother!

So many other people we need to thank, and if this was the Oscars they'd start the music right about now, because our list is endless. We honestly appreciate the enthusiasm and ongoing support of all the readers and commenters on this blog, the Yahoo Taiwan group, our friends and family, that one great friend of mine who doesn't need to be named but whose financial support helped make this happen, our pet-keepers and tireless Frida-sitters, and especially Grandpa Dave for being a vagabond traveler with us, and for picking up the lion's share of the hotel bills. Thanks for the prayers, the encouragement, and from refraining from questioning our sanity in going through with all this.

By the way, can you tell from this long post today that everyone's jet lagged and sound asleep? Sheri's been out for two hours, Lu-Yu for three hours, and Maya for six hours. Olivia is a zombie but a great playmate for Frida right now.

I consider this journey complete. You'll get some photos in the coming days, a bit of baby update, but then that's it, I promise! As the title of this blog reads, our journey to Taiwan and back is now finished. Lots of other journeys ahead, yes of course.

Don't think, though, that I'd end without revealing Lu-Yu's name -- something that Sheri and I worked very hard on deciding. Naming a toddler is difficult, because he's had the chance to grow into his name: Lu (blessed) Yu (cosmos). He will continue to be "Louie" for us during this transition, but officially I'd like to introduce you to our son:

Seth David Luyu Martin-Spisak

A big name, but a big boy. Seth, because he was chosen for us, and us for him; David, because of his grandfather, complete with his giant-slaying confidence and gentle heart; Luyu, because that links him to St. Lucy's ("Lu" for all the children born that year) and to his birth mother, Yu-Jou, a brave young girl, who we pray can rise above her circumstances and flourish; and Martin-Spisak because, sure, what's bred in the bone outs in the flesh, but at the end of the day it's nurture over nature, baby: he'll have us to blame and thank for the life that lies ahead of him.

Taipei Photos

2006-10-19T21:17:00.000-07:00

All continues to go well. He's a happy and crazy little guy, and we're doing our best to keep up with him. Thank goodness that he has two fellow playmates, thanks to Olivia and Maya. Otherwise, I'd be flat on my back with exhaustion by now. Only so many times you can run the hotel corridors.

Out the window of TAIPEI 101 (world's tallest building):

At the foot of TAIPEI 101:

In our hotel room. (Geez I love these robes.)

Howard Plaza swimming pool:

Wandering the hotel with grandpa Dave:

Sweet little Lu-Yu:

Tainan Photos

2006-10-18T15:03:00.000-07:00

Lu-Yu's in the next room snoring like a soldier, so I thought I'd try to post a few of the photos again. It was an effortless night -- he lay between Sheri and I staring at the ceiling a while, and then fell asleep around 9:00. Other than taking up half of the king-sized bed, he did great.

With Timothy and Lynne in Willy's Second Base, a pub owned by a former major leaguer who retired to Tainan. (Guiness on draught!)

I love this picture because we've seen the two-happy-parents-and-three-cute-kids-background in dozens of other photos, as families pose with their new children. Take note of the contrast. (And note that he's not crying because Dave's holding him. He's "fake crying", as his nannies call it, because he wants to keep moving.)

And this last photo I'll leave up to interpretation. Two ways to look at it: his crib is now emptied, as he leaves Taiwan behind for his forever family in California; his crib is now emptied because he's dashing off for the party of his life!

Difficult Pregnancy, Easy Delivery

2006-10-18T04:07:00.000-07:00

I was going to post a few photos but are experiencing some kind of server proxy error. Oh well. You'll have to trust me that Lu-Yu is a beautiful and unique little soul. I'll try with the photos again later tonight.

Where to begin?

How about waking at 4:00 this morning and not being able to get back to sleep. So, I donned my runners, slipped out of the room without waking anyone, and headed to St. Lucy's. The lights weren't on (good sign), so I just hung out a while, and then ran the sweaty Tainan streets for an hour or so. For me, it was the perfect end to my pregnancy -- and I was ready to deliver.

Sheri's preparations were more pragmatic: woke, showered, ate, packed. (I'm quoting her verbatim, but let it be known that I was the one who did the packing.)

We arrived at St. Lucy's at around 9:30, got to meet the wonderful staff and some of the volunteers who have been with him for all these months, and took our place with our fellow waiting parents, Lynne and Timothy. Dave got ready to take some photos, and Olivia and Maya slouched on the couch bored. Suffice it to say, that was the last little bit of boredom I suspect that anyone will see for quite a while in our family.

Trumpets sounded, and out came Chien-Lu (13 months) and Lu-Yu. As a bit of comparison, Lynne and Timothy were handed their beautiful, quiet boy, and he settled comfortably into their arms. Lu-Yu? Holy smoke. When I say that he is energetic, I'm not using the right word. Frenetic maybe? Like a runaway locomotive on a steep downhill run? That's pretty close.

He marched down the hall, the nannies saying that he was going to see his baba and mama, and meanwhile he quickly sized up everyone -- caregivers, parents, children -- and without hesitating, he grabbed Olivia's hand and continued on towards the door to the outside. Maya quickly caught up and grabbed his hand too, and we all trailed after them. No snuggling on the sofa, no time for sentimental tears. It was play time! Within fifteen minutes my shirt was soaked with sweat, up and down the three flights of stairs, in and out of the chapel, through the parking lot, out to see the scooters on Shengli Road, into the nursery, climbing trees, balancing on walls, back flips off parked cars (okay, the final three were just visions of the future ahead of us).

I thought that the transition would be difficult. I imagined that he would cry and reach for his nannies, that he would have a fit in the taxi, and sob the whole plane ride. Umm, didn't happen. Until he passed out around 4:30, he was nonstop action, giggles, jumping, chasing, rolling on the floor, eating bananas on the fly, running the hotel hall with his sisters, pulling toys in and out of his backpack, flipping through his board book, driving his plastic truck, fitting the paper cups together, and on and on.

He's most definitely a boy, and most definitely a toddler, and I'm proud to say that he feels like both a Martin and a Spisak. Gosh, what a lot of work we've got ahead of us!

He's now out of the bath, kind of mellow, and looks like he could fall asleep again any minute. It's been a long day for him -- and he's got a whole new world to explore tomorrow...

A few travel-ish photos

2006-10-16T23:31:00.000-07:00

Posing in Jiji:
Scootering in Jiji:
Fried seafood balls and coconut milk:

Giggly girls in Tainan:
Why God created the video iPod:

Drinking blue gin across the street from St. Lucy's:

Early Morning in the Cambridge Hotel

2006-10-16T15:08:00.000-07:00

Our weirdly wired brains are a wonder. You know how it is. You’ll be sitting in your office, reading some memo about logo usage, or in the grocery store, trying to decide whether it’s worth it to pay the extra two dollars for organic milk, or maybe (oh the excitement) waiting in line to renew your driver’s license, when in a synaptic flash you remember that horizon of rice fields outside Wuhan, or that banana vendor in Koh Samet, or punching that donkey cart driver kid in Kashgar. I think it’s a defense mechanism – out of the monotony of our daily lives those moments come as bits of salvation: life is way more than this. And this trip has been like that. In line at Whole Foods, sitting in traffic on the 8 at College, or ironing my grey trousers, I might be blessed with one of the following:

Riding at breakneck speed (exaggeration) on a motorcycle (exaggeration) down a winding highway outside of Jiji, Maya standing on the floor board in front of me, giggling while she gets to open up the accelerator. (And knowing that Maya will never forget this moment as long as she lives.)
Olivia crying when we tell her that she can’t take the wild kitten with her that she found on Bagushan, near the giant Buddha, in Changhua. (And, knowing that Olivia will never forget this moment as long as she lives.)
Watching Dave on the train from Ershui to Tainan, proudly sharing photos of his family and California with a young social worker who works with the elderly. (Like me, he laughs. No, no. You look very young.) (And knowing that he will remember this moment as long as he lives.)

And this, one that I’ll forever share with Sheri. Sitting in that odd little café, drinking blue gin-and-tonics out of hermetically sealed plastic cups, eating tiny sandwiches, staring across Shengli Road at Number 85, where our son lay asleep. We really didn’t plan on ending up there, but once there I knew that all along it’s all that I wanted to do in Tainan. I may have thought that we were going out for dinner and to explore a bit, but I should have known that the unsettled feeling in my stomach was simply the urge to be as close to Luyu as possible, as soon as possible. And I felt three things while eating my tiny sandwich: that my son was real, that I was blessed to have a wife and friend to share these journeys with, that life is damn good.

To Frida

2006-10-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

Hello Frida!!!
I am thinking so much about you and miss you. Are you having fun with your gramma and aunts and cousins? We rode a motocycle and a train today. I bougtht you three gifts today and can't wait to give them to you along with a hug and kiss. We will get LuYu in one day! And I am going to tell him all about you and bring him home. 6 more nights sweetie and we will be home. We love you. Mommy and Daddy

Trains, bicycles, scooters and noodles

2006-10-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

My first post ever. Thought I should come up with a catchy title. Did I succeed? Here is a little of what we have done since our last post. But I need to preface that without Luke we would not be enjoying this as we are. He is amazing to watch communicate with the locals, buying us tickets and ordering us food. He says he is having difficulty with the language and that some people arne't understanding his chinese. But from where dad and I sit, it is very successful and impressive. And thank goodness he is in shape, be ahs carried this suitcase up and down the train stairs and carried sleeping girls back to the hotel and up stairs and into bed. So I have to thank him for maing this all go very smoothly. We have travelled to Changhua (100 foot high Buddah, stray kitten Olivia cried over, and maya slurping noodles while Olivia fell asleep in hers). Then we went to Ershur (bicycle ride searching for a monkey preserve that was always just up the road and we never reached and an interesting lunch of soy beans topped with shaved ice and an assortment of sweet syrups.) Dad made a couple friends while sipping coffee and we had our first really yummy meal for all of us= $7. Olivia is becoming more adventurous everyday, but am expecting her to loose weight like our time in china. She biked a good 5 miles and we are walking everywhere, I know she is so hungry. Maya is so happy here and loves the nooodles and the "fancy hotels". We took a short train ride to JiJi. Woke up to a beautiful morning: quiet town, birds singing and beautiful mountains and a temple roof all from our balcony as we sipped tea from paper cups and threw peanut shells at dad as he took his morning walk. There are many wonderful details to write about but the real new experience is to share this all with the girls. It is really an honor to see them in this totally new strange place. They are taking it in and at the same time playing their endless games of pet dog, fairies,... They are really having a great time.
It was here in JiJi that Luke and I both felt the magnetic like pull to the south. Time to get close to where LuYu is living and get a sense of his home. So after our incredibly fun fun fun scooter ride around JiJi and an attempt to climb a mountain on them we set off for Tainan. Dad met a woman on the train and shared photos from home and talked with her. It was neat listening to him. As we approached Tainan the emotions started to grow in me. Added to this was a woman in front of me with a small boy, of course LuYu's age (I had been playing a bit with) was just slapping him and just being rough. It was so stressful. I was happy to leave them. But when that train stopped I was flooded with tears. The same feeling i had when I landed in Guangzhou. When that plane touched ground I knew that I would never be as far as I was from Maya again But now that I am older I cry more and pulling in to Tainan I am confident in my purpose, just alot sappier about it. I read the court papers for the first time at the hotel. And learned some things that I didn't know ( like the judges name grrrr) but I also found out that LuYu's birth mother named him! Her name is Yu-jou. So it is a very important bit of information for me, so meaningful that she named him. Then to top off our day Luke and I in search of a Pub (which doesn't exsist) migrated to St. Lucy's. This is where Luke fell apart. So close, a dark parking lot not knowing which building he is in. We ate across the street. Strange.
So I need to go to bed, it has been a long day. We have great photos of the girls in their many hats that they have bought and new wood shoes and them riding scooters and bikes but we just can't figure out this system to post.
Signing off. Thanks for keeping us all in your thoughts.
Sheri

Sleeping Pills, Eva, Lotsa Water

2006-10-13T20:25:00.000-07:00

Those are Sheri's three recommendations for all those traveling to Taipei. She partly took her own advice: sleeping pills worked wonders for her and she woke without jetlag. She drank some water, but not lotsa water. And, our one failure, we didn't fly Eva. (That's a long story, and we really did try to get the Evergreen premium economy, but in the moments between checking rates and booking seats, prices went up by $1,000 USD per ticket. We ended up flying sardine class on China Airlines. They pack you in, hook you up intravenously to the nonstop video at each seat, and hope that keeps you comatose enough not to realize that the food is bad, that you can't sit normally if you're over 5'10".)

Anyway, we are so very happy to be here, finally. I got to go out for a morning run and ended up, just by chance, at the Sun-Yat Sen Memorial, where hundreds of early morning tai-chi, kung-fu and ballroom dancers were waiting to greet me. There's nothing in the world like an early morning in a Chinese city.

We're staying at the Howard Plaza, a nice choice if you're looking for places. Breakfast buffet was good, rooms roomy, service smiley. We spent some time this morning trying to see if we could get something cheaper for our final three days in Taipei, but all the hotels seem to be about the same amount of money -- $150 for singles, $200-$250 for suites. Or all the hotels that I'm allowed to look at. Cockroaches not allowed on this trip.

From here we're going to hop on a train this afternoon and probably head to Changhua, maybe to Chiayi. From Changhua we'll either head to Lugang or up into the mountains on the Jiji scenic railway. From Chiayi, if we decide on that route, we'll head up to Alishan. That little excursion will take up the next three days, and then we'll be heading to Tainan on the 17th, with a 9:30 a.m. pick-up at St. Lucy's.

Okay, Sheri's saying that we've got to pack up and go. Thanks to everyone for the well wishes and prayers -- they're working well so far. (Except for our camera -- didn't find out until getting here that our lovely Frida broke it. Alas. But Sheri's dad brought his, so that should suffice.)

Our Bags Are Packed

2006-10-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

Or mostly. We've got little things here and there, little things that I'm questioning whether we even need -- that looks like a menu to Sheri's favourite coffee shop over there in the going-to-Taiwan pile. Or maybe I've got the piles mixed up.

Travel-wise we're just overnighting in Taipei and then heading south to Changhua. From there we'll maybe hop to Lugang for a day trip, and then up to Jiji for some mountain views and hopefully some monkey sightings -- the girls are hoping to catch one and bring it home with them.

Oh, I wanted to thank Val again for all the wonderful photos she took of Lu-Yu while she was at St. Lucy's a few weeks back. And, even more, for taking the time to play with him. Photos are one thing -- playtime is so much more. You can see some of Val's photos at http://luyuforyou.blogspot.com

Short of Kim Jong Il lobbing a nuclear bomb in our general direction, you'll be hearing from us from Taiwan shortly...

Apologies!

2006-10-03T19:32:00.000-07:00

We had thought that once we got the referral we were no longer worth reading -- not a single comment. We wondered whether it was the drama that everyone loved.

Alas, somehow I messed around with the settings and comments needed to be approved by me, the moderator.

Thanks to all who have wished us love and celebrated along with us. And I'm sorry that we didn't see your comments immediately!

September Photos

2006-10-02T13:43:00.000-07:00

Looking back over the past months, I'm thinking that we're going to have more photos of Lu-Yu than we do of our other kids. (Except that first year with our oldest, Olivia. The first child always gets photo-spoiled.)

And I'm overjoyed that these are the last pre-with us photos that we're going to get.

Height = 32.87"
Weight = 27.56" (over a pound this past month!)
Head = 19.09"

From Val and her husband, Kevin, we hear that he is a "crazy man" and the favorite of the nursery -- which makes sense because he's the oldest and has had the longest bonding time. Though I like to think it's because he's particularly wonderful. Kevin also told me that he's the nannies' little helper and has the run of the place. I know that on one hand it'll be traumatic for him to be uprooted from a place where he's become something of a Little Emperor, and that we'll in turn have to hold him through some inevitable tantrums; but on the other hand I know that because he has been so well cared for, so loved, and understands what it means to attach, after wrestling with him through a tough transition time, his attachment/bonding to us might be easier than with some. (Plus, that's why God invented lollypops -- stop crying and there's more of these where this one came from...)

One thing I love about all these photos is the quirky details. Notice the fashionable baby blue shoes in the first two shots.

Travel Plans

2006-09-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we made the trip up to Pasadena for our travel meeting. We got great information on what to expect at St. Lucy's, and that the Taiwanese consider it impolite to wear Speedos in public. (Or maybe that was in my dream last night.)

The only bad news out of the meeting was that the "four to six weeks" that everyone is told about travel times, put into the Luke & Sheri bad luck equation, meant that we got the outside number. Six weeks. Sad we were, but what could we say? Six weeks is better than nine months.

But, it appears as if our luck is on the upswing. Kerry called this morning to say that it looked like our pick-up date would be moved from October 24th to October 18th. See the sky open up? Hear those archangel trumpets? At this point, six days is a lifetime, it really is. Just removing one week from our sentence has felt like a reprieve from the governor on the night of a scheduled execution. Okay, maybe a bit of an exaggeration.

That means that we'll be sailing out of here around October 10th. Why travelling so early? Two reasons: 1. we want to do a bit of site-seeing, particularly around Lu-Yu's birth city; 2. if our bad luck does continue for a while, we want enough time so that if our flight is canceled, we can still make it to Taiwan by other means. (Kayak, submarine, shuttle Atlantis, tunnelling are a few that come to mind.)

The Universe Has Order Again

2006-09-11T22:29:00.000-07:00

We've heard it said that The Call comes when you least expect it. Maybe that was what we were doing wrong all these months -- we were expecting the call every single day.

Here we are, September 11th, at around 9:15 p.m., when we get a call from our agency's Executive Director. And, even hearing her voice, I was expecting some info about something or other. But, for once, I was completely wrong. It was The Call.

(Okay, Sheri just corrected me. She said "for once?" Okay, okay. I guess I've been completely wrong for the entire spring and summer.)

We always thought that on getting The Call we'd break into tears or scream like Britney Spears fans. For both of us, the response was a lot simpler -- "ahhhhh." It's like my chest opened up a bit and I could take a full breath.

Details still need to be resolved, but we're looking at travel in about four weeks.

It's nice to post this, but I need to get back to this bottle of 1998 Dom Perginon (thank you Miro!) and my beautiful partner. All is good. It really is.

More Haikus

2006-09-10T12:18:00.000-07:00

From Sheri:

A space empty here
A son calling from the east
A family home.

From Maya (age 6):

Lu-Yu is very good
Lu-Yu trades a toy with Zack
I love you Lu-Yu.

From Olivia (age 9):

My brother awaits
For he knows we are coming
To pick him up soon.

From me:

Summer's heat passes
Cool nights now, crickets singing
Still alone he lies.

Haikus

2006-09-08T11:58:00.000-07:00

Though the dates have come and gone, I can at least add some poetry -- words of hope. As I understand, Dave and Joanna (Sheri's dad and mom) have been firing haikus back and forth at each other for the past few days. Ironically, these two crossed mid-air. It looks like this wait and this boy is on everyone's mind.

Dave:

The phone does not ring
Lu Yu knows not he waits still
Mom Dad sad judge bad

Joanna:

Waiting wanting soon
The keeper judge holds our hearts
Our faraway toddler boy

Need I even say that we've been told that we'll receive the call "within the next week." As you may know, the judge lives on another planet (I believe it's Uranus), so that could equal months and months in earth time.

August Photos

2006-08-29T15:01:00.000-07:00

I held back from posting these for a few days, hoping that maybe I'd be able to save some typing and be able to announce The Call. Alas, no call. It's a mixed blessing getting wonderful photos like these -- I can see that he is happy and well cared for, and that he looks good in pink (which is exactly what his sisters will dress him in); the flipside is that no matter how happy he looks, he's still not here.

The details:

height: 32.7 inches
weight: 26.3 lbs
head: 18.9 inches
He has 8 upper teeth and 6 lower teeth. All the better for biting with... can't wait for him to meet the judge.

Island of the Day Before

2006-08-24T16:01:00.000-07:00

In Umberto Eco's novel the protagonist is shipwrecked within view of an island, and he's convinced that he's on the international dateline -- that magical place where you can change the past, since it's the only place where you can step into yesterday.

That's me. I feel like I'm at a disadvantage, since by the time I wake today, it's already tomorrow there. They've gone through their day, and this judge has obviously done it without having made a decision, once again. She's busy making tea, or reading the newspaper, or getting her Mercedes tuned up, or planning for her retirement. (We can only pray for the latter for those coming after us.) Maybe if I were in her time zone I could do something to influence things. I could speed up the tea making, highlight the important articles in the newspaper, bribe the mechanics to get it in and out in under fifteen minutes, and give her a nice brochure on a retirement village in Fairbanks. (Where her cold heart will find a sympathetic home.) As it is, I can't do anything. It's already tomorrow, and today we didn't get the call.

Not Today

2006-08-23T14:50:00.000-07:00

Today was the first of our potential Call Days. It's now nearly 6 a.m. in the morning tomorrow in Taiwan, so I take for granted that we're not getting the call.

And today is his 18th month birthday.

Nothing more to say.

New Birthday

2006-08-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

People following this trek know that we've had lots of bum luck the whole way through this process. Whether it was the dilemma of having to get three Canadian birth certificates, when one is all you're allowed, and not needing them after all, but paying for three, and only getting one, or whether it was having to have all our documents re-notarized -- we've done it all.

You may also have noticed that during all of this I was applying for U.S. citizenship, and that I was doing my darndest to get them to change my incorrect birthdate to my correct birthdate. Alas, I got my new passport on Friday and it looks like the government has won. I've got myself a new birthday. In the ecstacy and patriotic fervor (p.s. notice the new U.S. spelling) of my Oath Taking Ceremony, I didn't notice that that document had the incorrect birthdate. So, I was screwed from that moment. The Department of State declared that because it is on my Certificate of Naturalization, my birthday is officially February 14, not February 17, 1967.

I called CIS today and explained the situation. No problem, they said. All I have to do is fill out form N-565 and note the change. Oh, and include the $220 filing fee. But, I said, it was an error made by you not me. Unfortunately, she said, the N-565 will only be reviewed if it comes with the filing fee. They may decide not to cash my check, but will not review the application without the check. Call me conspiratorial, if you'd like, but I doubt that I'd see that check returned.

So, based on my string of bad luck this year, I'm sticking with the new birthday. Next year, when you're buying roses for your partner on Valentine's Day, make sure to remember me, and hope that my luck has turned. I'll have spent my $220 filing fee on a bottle of Jadot grand cru, celebrating my 40th birthday.

The Meta Call

2006-08-11T07:23:00.000-07:00

Well, we got the call about The Call. Which, when you look at it honestly, is really the call about the call about the call. The real call that matters is the one with the travel date; the emotional call is the one about the first decree; and the kind of weird one is the one about the call about the first decree.

But we do appreciate the information, we really do. Kerry called yesterday to say that they had received some good news, that we can expect our first decree between August 23rd and September 1st. They usually don't get this kind of advance notice. We're happy to be tossed any bones whatsoever. We don't know how long this judge will pick her teeth while waiting to issue the second decree, so I'm not even going there yet.

For us, it means that for two weeks we're given a reprieve: no need to worry about things on a day-by-day level. We know that there will be no call. Which is better than the expectation.

Cute in Camouflage

2006-08-09T23:41:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Lynne Brown for shooting this video while she was visiting St. Lucy's a week or two ago. Seeing little Xiao Yu (I think that's what she's saying, though it might be Xiao Lu) run around has put us within inches of declaring his name.

Here's hoping that the wait is soon ending.

Hope Springs

2006-08-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

Sheri and I abandoned the kids last night -- actually overnight -- and hit the town. We always have big ambitions of doing things, but usually end up having appetizers and drinking and talking in the same place for hours and hours and hours. We probably would have done that all night, but had a concert to catch -- Bruce Cockburn. For those who don't know, Bruce is a mash up of, I don't know, Thomas Merton, Che Guevara, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, and Louis Riel. There's just something about his music -- it's lyrical, passionate, angry, funny -- that always strikes me poignantly, especially in concert.

You may or may not know his song Lovers in a Dangerous Time. There's a line partway through that is one of those few moments when a human being looks at the grand, confusing universe around us, our place in it, and gets it. (And I'm not the only one who thinks this about the line -- a collection of his songs by a bunch of fellow Canadian artists uses the line as the album title.) I was ready for the line, feeling it coming, and when he sang it, the tears streamed down my cheeks -- not the coolest thing in a concert, but I don't think that anyone noticed.

nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight --
Gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight

That's where I am. You can read through my posts here and I probably seem a bit flippant about all this. My anger and frustration, a growing depression, none of these are very apparent. But it's dark, and I've come to the point that I hope that we'll get a call from Taiwan not today or this week, but maybe this month. And some days I am sure that it will never happen, that this boy I believe is my son will disappear from us. In that darkness there is only one thing for us to do: kick, fight, tear at the very fabric of the universe around us, wrestle God to the ground. Passively sitting back, confident that all will be well -- sometimes that's just not an option. And, though it might not appear so, that is hope.

July Photos

2006-07-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

Don't you think that in the above image he's thinking exactly what we're thinking? This judge sucks. He just doesn't have the language to say it yet, but you can see it on his face.

He continues to grow:

height: 32.28" / 82 cm
weight: 26.01 lb / 11.8 kg
head: 18.7" / 47.5 cm

And we heard that St. Lucy's did call the judge again, confirming once again that she had all the information that she needed, which she does. So why not just do the right thing and issue the decree! Paper-pushing bureauocrat? Mean old wench? Control freak? Prejudiced?

But we have to remember that he looks happy. This is about his journey to us, as much as it might appear that it's only about our or my journey to him. Blessings on this little boy. (And curses on all who stand in his way.)

Fire's Burning

2006-07-25T10:18:00.000-07:00

A raging wildfire is the perfect partner to a slow adoption, don't you think?

Just over the hills a couple of miles from us is burning the 15,000-acre Horse Fire. I've been watching this area on the south edge of town -- a big beautiful valley that sprawls south to the Mexican border -- since the massive 2004 Cedar Fire burned right up to the north side of our town. That area hasn't (I mean hadn't) seen any fires since 1970, so there's quite the build up of dry timber. My paranoia appears to have been justified.

We're under evacuation advisement, but we're not worried. We packed up our irreplaceables this morning -- photos, documents, keepsakes -- and will add a rat, three cats, some hermit crabs, and my pc to the list if we get a mandatory evacuation this afternoon. Que sera sera, right?

Oh, don't bother telling me that this could be the reason that our adoption journey is taking so long. There is no justification for it.

A quick visit (but not by us)

2006-07-24T21:19:00.000-07:00

Another waiting mother, Lynne Brown, traveled to St. Lucy's today. Her son, Chien Lu, has some medical conditions, so she made a visit to consult with doctors there. Her situation is similar to ours, as far as we're both stuck with the same judge, Madame Molasses (as slow as). While we envy the fact that Lynne got to travel and see her son, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for her to pack her bags and head home without him. Not sure I could handle that. I'd probably hire a boat and steal away in the middle of the night.

So, thanks to Lynne for this photo. If you're reading this, please make a visit to the evil judge of ours and sincerely threaten her. It's ridiculous that so many families are getting their first decree in a matter of eight weeks when we're looking at three times that. She is either evil or incompetent, or maybe just plain callous. But there is no excuse.

No Comment Necessary

2006-07-11T11:18:00.000-07:00

Held By Someone We Know

2006-07-11T09:50:00.000-07:00

Amanda and her husband submitted their paperwork about the same time that we did. They got their call in mid June and were able to pick up their son, Zack, on the 11th. Congratulations to them! We're so happy that their journey is winding to an end. (And, of course, just beginning.) And we appreciate that they took the time to snap some photos of Jasper Lu-Yu while they were there. We are in your debt -- and we look forward to reuniting these two playmates in the not-to-distant future!

Per Amanda...

"Oh you two.....He is just precious. He was wakling all around the jointlike he owned it!!! Everybody just loves him and he is beautiful. That little face of his will just melt ya. He was very happy and relaxed. He and Zack are indeed best buds. The staff just kept saying that they were good friends and Zack imitates Lu Yu always. They are the two oldest and were right next to each other in their cribs. In fact, Lu Yu tried to steal a rice cracker from Zack while we were there. Very sweet. They look a lot alike when you see them together. I took as many photos as I could. I may have to send them in two emails because the connection here is a bit slow. The staff at St. Lucy's is very kind and truly care for the babies. They were very sweet to us and Zack and allowed us to stay for 4 & 1/2 hours!! Lu Yu went down for his nap while we were there so I didn't get to spend as long as I would have liked with him. They did mention that your case was moving slowly and that they were trying to speed up your "slow judge". Nice to hear that you have lots of folks working on your behalf... I toldthem that we knew you and they were very pleased to hear that the babies may remain friends. I'll send you more nuts and bolts travel tips after we get home... just wanted to be sure you had the photos right away."

Calling in the Operatives

2006-06-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

This comes from Sheri's mom. Note that Dave (dad) is an FBI-trained law enforcement consultant with a seventh degree black belt in take-no-shit.

-----

This is Mission Not Impossible. We need to have someone sneak into the judge's office and move the Lu Yu file from the bottom to the top of the stack. It will have to be someone very familiar with bureaucracies and the way they work (sounds like they are the same all over the world), can b.s. people, has extensive knowledge/experience being sneaky and devious, and the balls to try it. I volunteer Grandpa Dave. Think about it. Professionally and personally he has all the qualifications! He's planning on going to Taiwan anyway so that is not a problem - and I will gladly give him up for the period of time required.

I had not read the last few entries in the Blog until today. He is so cute! And growing like a weed. You guys have been through a lot the last month - no wonder you are stressed. I think you are doing remarkably well, considering. We all know the downside to waiting until end of August or in September - what is the upside? Surely there is something! Spending summer vacation doing fun things with all three of your daughters, having more time to get everything in order before little brother gets here, developing an absolutely foolproof, kickass Spisak-Martin Operating System (SMOS) that will make everything go smoothly always, everyday, without fail, once he gets here. Hah!

Love you all,

Mom/Grandma Jo

June Gloom (at least for us)

2006-06-28T17:33:00.000-07:00

Another month slides past. At least in retrospect they're going quickly, even if they're painfully slow on the day-to-day level.

He is eating baby food, running, and hopefully causing enough havoc and heartache that they'll do their best to get this judge to do her job and speed things up a bit. We heard through our agency that a family travelling there saw him and said that he's very sure-footed, a little football player it sounds like. Pretty good for a 16 month old. And, it sounds like he's also a bit of a dramaturge. He tried to draw them back to him with a bit of fake crying. Yes, he'll fit in well with his three sisters.

His current measurements are as follows:

height: 31.89" / 81 cm
weight: 25.57 lb / 11.6 kg
head: 18.7' / 47.5 cm

He has 6 upper and 6 lower teeth.

Easier than Answering

2006-06-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

Sheri bought this button for me to wear. Simplifies answering any adoption-related questions. Plus you might get a free drink out of the deal. (That's a martini olive, in case you can't make it out.)

A Matter of Time

2006-06-27T11:26:00.000-07:00

Some simple math and I realized why we will hear by 9:30 or 10:00 a.m. No two ways about it. Add 15 hours to PST and you'll see that if the judge makes his recommendation early one morning and sends it to St. Lucy's by 10:00 a.m. Taiwan time, the best they could do would be to call/fax/e-mail Heartsent at 7 p.m. No one in the office, so we wouldn't get the call until the morning. And if the judge makes his decision at the end of the day and sends it on to St. Lucy's and they call by 5:00 p.m., that would be 2:00 a.m. here in California, again no one to take the call.

Therefore, no matter when the referral takes place in Taiwan, we won't receive a call until first thing in the morning the next day. I can handle an hour of stress a day.

The only variable to this equation would be the off chance that Heartsent is closed in the morning (say because of a flash flood, sickness, or termite infestation) and they don't get in and check their messages/fax/e-mail until the afternoon. But we won't consider the variable, because that does little to assuage my anxiety.

Half Full/Half Empty

2006-06-16T09:50:00.000-07:00

We got what is either good news or really lousy news today. Yesterday the judge asked for the entire Canadian adoption laws to be translated and faxed to him. I guess that he (or it might be she) originally had been sent a portion of the laws, and it sounds like the laws for Ontario, since adoption laws are different in every province. Kerry dug up the laws yesterday and a translator back in Ohio (that's pretty near Canada) stayed up half the night translating it. Damn Canadians make things so complex.

Here's the half full scenario. The final bit of information he needs to pronounce the first decree is that fax. Quick signature, gavel pounds, hear ye hear ye and all that judge-y stuff, and we'll get the call on Monday.

Here's the half empty, actually the damn near completely empty scenario. The adoption laws were initially sent in around three months ago. Our dossier went to the bottom of the pile. He looked at it yesterday, put it at the bottom of the pile, and it'll be three months until it reaches the top again. By then Quebec will have seceded and Taiwan will be just another Chinese province.

Doppleganger

2006-06-06T10:38:00.000-07:00

I know that we must be getting close to the call. I met Lu-Yu's Doppleganger last night. I was looking for Sheri and the kids when I walked into a store and there, running towards me was Lu-Yu, just for a second, until he morphed back into an 18-month-old Asian boy. And I suspect that it was that vision that inspired last night's dream, though the dream's not exactly a positive one. We were either back from Taiwan or it was after getting the "time to travel" call, but I suddently realized that it had already been seven days and I forgot to tell my parents and brothers about it. In the dream I justified my lack of communication on my propensity to over-focus on things, good things in this case.

It's got to be a matter of days now.

May Photo Updates

2006-05-25T11:51:00.000-07:00

It was hard getting the phone call this morning, because as soon as I saw that it was "Kerry, Heartsent" on my Treo I knew in my heart that it was about photos, not any travel-related news.

But these beautiful photos almost make up for the disappointment.

And here is the info that came along with the photos:

weight: 24.69 lb / 11.2 kg
height: 31.1" / 79 cm
head: 18.5" / 47 cm
4 upper and 6 lower teeth
can walk stably by himself, open the door, can go down stairs
he is very curious
he is very smart

Lu-Yu Louie!

2006-05-21T07:52:00.000-07:00

We finally got our tape converted to digital, thanks to Shannon, and thanks to Shannon's work pal for the editing and music -- nice call on the Richard Berry tune!

Still Keeping My Date

2006-05-11T13:13:00.000-07:00

I've been avoiding posting over the past week because I was holding my breath for that May 10th date. But now that May 10th has come and gone silently I can refocus on the more important date: June 21st. See, I chose May 10th because my estimate had been that it was approximately 5-6 weeks between notice to travel and the actual hold-him-in-my-arms date. I don't think that the 5-6 weeks is accurate, based on what I'm hearing from Sheri about what others are saying on the Taiwan yahoo group. But it wouldn't matter what they said. I'm sticking with June 21st. It just has such a nice ring to it -- first day of summer and all. And I'll hold to that date right up to the very date. Though it's probably never happened before, we might get a call at the twelfth hour, on June 20th, telling us to get on the next red eye. Hope springs eternal.

April Photo Update

2006-04-26T15:03:00.000-07:00

It's getting to the point when I see the agency's name pop up on my cell phone and get a bit of an adrenaline rush -- maybe this is the call. Even though it would be too early to hear the good news, that it's time to travel, I can't help but be optimistic. (FWIW, I'm putting my money on May 10th for the call. Kerry, from our agency, says that I'm crazy, but I'm sticking with it.)

And here are Lu-Yu's (AKA Jasper's) stats for April:

4 upper teeth, 4 lower teeth
weight: 23.59 lb / 10.7 kg
height: 30.71" / 78 cm
head: 18.31" / 46.5 cm

Not So Sad

2006-04-18T16:40:00.000-07:00

I'm looking forward to getting home tonight to see a video of Lu-Yu (or "Louie" as it sounds with a Taiwanese accent) that we got today. Sheri and the girls have watched it a few times.

I'm taking the liberty of copying an e-mail we received from Nicole, the woman who visited him (jealous we are) last week, and who took the picture above.

Hi Sheri. I wanted to send you the rest of the pics of Lu Yu. He is so cute. He looks very serious at you but then is very easy to make smile but I wasn't quick enough to catch it with the camera's flash delay. He is steady on his feet in the porta crib and makes eye contact very well. It was hard to see exactly what his size was with the big clothes on but he looks healthy and bigger than Shan-Fang who is only 21 lbs and wearing 9-12 months clothes. The caregivers love Lu Yu and carry him around. I think he is getting to be one of the older children there now. There may be just a couple around his age maybe there are 3 others. I just wanted you to also know that he is not as alone or sad as he looks in these photos and he is doing well. I can't wait for you to hold him and love him and him to be with his forever family. He will love his sisters. If you have any questions let me know. He is a doll. His hair is getting longer again and is a bit lighter than Landon's. He was engaging when the caregiver took him out to visit and was very interested in all the people and commotion. Again hope you get that news of travel soon. Talk to you soon.

Sad Boy

2006-04-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

We were initially happy to get this photo from a woman who travelled to St. Lucy's to pick up her child. A photo taken taken today -- such immediacy!

But our happiness has slid into sadness. There's something about it -- in the background, trapped in his playpen, combined with our knowing that another child is heading home -- that makes it just plain depressing. Add to it that we got info today from our agency that he was very sick on March 17th, with a fever of 104, and had a fever seizure, and it's obvious that he needs to be home.

Happy Girls

2006-04-10T00:52:00.000-07:00

I took the girls to L.A. on Sunday to Camp Darfur, put together by some friends of mine. It was a good opportunity for them to learn a bit more about the crisis in Sudan -- and also just roll around on the grass for a whole afternoon.

For me, the above photo sums up our day, completely. And in the context of this adoption (and all things, lately, do fall into this important context), I think about how blessed Lu-Yu will be with sisters like that.

Seven Teeth and Walking

2006-03-31T10:55:00.000-08:00

I can't remember what Kerry from our agency said -- maybe it was four teeth on the top and three on the bottom, or three top and four bottom. But, regardless, he's definitely walking. (And it looks like they're feeding him a sponge. Weird. Notice how he's looking at it in the third picture -- "Dude, I'm sick of food in this joint.")

Sisters

2006-03-27T19:34:00.000-08:00

I realized that some of the people reading this blog know more about Lu-Yu (a.k.a Jasper?) than his sisters. So here they are for your viewing pleasure: Frida (age 2), Maya (age 5) at dance class, and Olivia (age 8) with her kung fu white belt.

Measurements, March 8, 2006

2006-03-23T20:49:00.000-08:00

Forgot to post these earlier:

Weight: 23.15 lb / 10.5 kg
Height: 29.92" / 76 cm
Head: 18.11" / 46 cm

That puts him about five pounds less than Frida. About half the height of his cousin Anna. And with a head circumference about the same as a Hadrosaur dinosaur egg.

New Photo & Good News

2006-03-23T16:26:00.000-08:00

We found out today that our dossier entered the Taiwan courts on March 8th -- coincidentally the day of the preceding photo. (You gotta love that mosquito bite.) What that means, we really don't know. Something like two to four months before we get our first decree, which then means that we would have six weeks notice before travelling. Best case scenario, we'll be travelling in June; worst case, September. We'll take the best case, thanks.

Surprise Visit & a Mosquito Bite

2006-03-08T17:36:00.000-08:00

A few staff from our agency visited St. Lucy's this past weekend and took these photos. We know four things: he is happy, affectionate, he just woke up, and he has a big old mosquito bite on his right cheek. And I think I know one other thing -- he's not afraid of men. One of my worries has been that with a gang of nuns (I imagine them looking a bit like the Flying Nuns) taking care of him, he might not have a whole lot of exposure to males. But you'll see him with a Heartsent Board Member (Ron Watson, I'm told) and he looks perfectly comfortable.

Two Questions I'm Sick Of

2006-03-07T21:35:00.000-08:00

For the most part, people offer a big congratulations when they hear that we're adopting. But even those people who offer their congratulations often follow it up with one of two questions:

How much does it cost?
Are your other children adopted?

I'm sick of the first question partly because it's just plain nosy. But I always answer the question: it'll be about $20,000 by the time we're back home. Generally blank stares are the ensuing response.

Would these people ask me what my annual salary is or how much we spend on groceries or what we have in our 401k?

In some cases people ask this question because they feel that it's unethical to have to pay for a child -- some kind of 21st Century slave trade. For other people, they wonder how they heck we can afford it. And for any who know us well, we're certainly not the well-compensated or even the frugal kind. We're pretty celebratory with what little money we have. (Ah, but we've got our health...) So, in all fairness the underlying question does have merit. Still I always want to ask what they paid for their last car and how they financed that and what it's resale value will be next year (let alone in 80 years). Or I could throw out some of those figures about a child costing about $500,000 -- the price of a two-bedroom shack in So Cal -- through until the age of emancipation (currently around 30, I think, based on my own history). Consider it a downpayment, I could wittily say. But comparing a child to a car or a piece of Southern California realestate just isn't politically correct, so I don't generally make the comparison. So, how are we paying for it? A bit of savings, some generosity from friends and family, a little grant, and a bit of HELOC -- doing our part to ensure that the housing bubble doesn't come crashing down anytime soon.

The second question probably shouldn't bother me. It simply shows the mindset that they're bringing to adoption -- that it's the end of the road, after years of tracking basal body temperature, then years of IVF. If we could produce our own children, of course we would do that, right? Some people come into adoption sadly; we come in celebrating -- and I guess that it should be our opportunity to let them know that adoption is as magical, as intimate, as foreordained as natural conception ever could be. In fact, adoption is even more intentional than the age-old bump and grind method. There can be no mistaking what we are up to -- we are focused on the child, not the process. (Nothing wrong with the process in the former case, of course. Nothing at all.)

To add to these two gripes, there is one statement that I also hate to hear: "it's so good of you to do this." Yes, St. Luke and Ste. Sheri are opening our humble abode to the poor and needy around the world. A load of bunk. We didn't adopt Maya because of human rights issues in China; and we're not adopting Lu-Yu because he is abandoned and alone in Taiwan. We adopted Maya and are adopting him because they are our children -- that's as simple and pure as it gets.

Birthday Photos

2006-02-27T17:02:00.000-08:00

I think it's nice to know that he was happy on his birthday (dated on the photos).

His current measurements are: weight 22.5 lbs., height 30", head 18". Growing boy!

Happy Birthday, Lu-Yu!

2006-02-23T09:27:00.000-08:00

Our son turns one today. It's sad that he's not celebrating it with us, even if one-year-olds are more confused and stressed by the birthday. I know that with Maya having her for her first birthday (a month after adopting) was a big deal for us, personally. I don't like saying that for the first year of his life he was living away from us. That just doesn't sound right.

But, let's celebrate -- he's healthy, he looks happy, he's well cared for, and he'll be home by the summer.

Hypnagogia

2006-02-21T23:35:00.000-08:00

It's that strange zone between wake and sleeping.

And that's where we are right now. Paperwork is in. Maybe our dossier is in Taiwan, maybe St. Lucy's has received his one-gallon-Ziploc'd birthday gift, and maybe he's holding the soft-cover photo album and looking at our faces. Maybe a court clerk is running our papers from one wing to another, maybe the judge is wondering why I don't have three long form Canadian birth certificates.

I like the weeks of waking busyness over this waiting stage. I know that there's much to do -- we've got the grand move of Olivia and Maya to the downstairs bedroom and the transition of Frida out of our bed/bedroom.

I did dream about Lu-Yu the other night, but it was just a blur of things that I couldn't even make sense of after waking. Or maybe that wasn't even a dream but just more of this half-asleep stage. I guess I do need to let things go for a while and just relax, just fall asleep for a month or two.

Adoption is wonderful, but everything involved in pre-adoption is rather bizarre.

I'll be much happier in April when I can start looking into flights and hotels.

Paperwork Done (?)

2006-02-08T11:13:00.000-08:00

All along the way we seemed to hit bumps in the road when it came to collecting our paperwork. Here are a few of the snafus that we eventually straightened out:

Letter of good conduct. The first hitch was that Sheri's birthdate on her driver's license doesn't match reality. The sheriff called back saying that she needed to either have it run on the wrong date (would make a lot of sense, wouldn't it?) or would need to submit backup documents and have it re-done. It was re-done, but this time they really screwed up the date. Little did I know, but my wife was born August 10, 1923. They managed (after a very long wait) to have new and correct documents issued and explained the error by saying that the date probably was carried over from the previous person they ran a clearance for. They didn't see the humour when I asked why an 82-year-old person would be asking for a police clearance letter -- Those crazy octogenarians!
Notarizing. We spent $260+ dollars having our documents notarized by a traveling notary. (Arrived on a pony.) Alas, despite the fact that she has been notarizing for years, every single one of the documents she notarized incorrectly. Not only did we have to get them all re-notarized, I had to re-create some of them from scratch. At least we didn't have to pay her double.
TB. Was it traveling by rickety old bus for three days through the desert in Western China? Was it watching a muythai boxing in a crowded arena in Bangkok? Was it while working in the emergency ward in that little clinic in Calcutta? (Okay, the last isn't real.) Anyway, I've got latent TB, which means that I don't have to get that pesky little shot in the future -- it's chest X-rays from here on, baby! But, the doctor signed off on my medical form, saying that I'm not contagious (hack, hack, hack), so the immigration and court officials should be happy. Oh, one other potential glitch in medical paperwork. I wasn't asked to pee in a cup. I didn't realize this was part of the medical until coming back a month later to have the papers notarized. The doctor had to re-do the paperwork because (despite my attempts to rip his pen from his hands) he signed the documents before the notary could arrive. He got to the UA line and said, "I got you to pee in a cup when you were here, right?" He really did use the word "pee." I didn't say anything. He just checked it off as okay.
Canadian birth certificates. My dilemma was simple: I needed three long-form birth certificates; the Canadian government says that you can't have more than one. But I need three. But you can only have one. (After this went on another ten times I should have said, "But I need one" and they would have responded "But you can only have three." That would have got them.) Anyway, despite my complaining and their decision to send me only one, they haven't even sent one. The nice part is that our agency said that's okay -- they didn't need them anyway, since they already had one on file. Nonetheless, I'd like to keep this little squabble going with the bureaucrats just for the heck of it. I will get those three forms, whether I need them or not!
And then little things: last-minute our agency realized that we had never signed the baby contract, so they overnighted this to us; one of our reference letters was incorrectly notarized (and is it correct to say Notary Republic? That's what she wrote on the form. Republic sounds so much grander than a plain old Public.) but that doesn't go to Taiwan, so we got forgiven.
And there's got to be more, but of course you could care less. But you'd probably like to know that, despite the fact I have submitted a long-form Canadian birth certificate (not one of the three) to U.S. Immigration, since I'm applying for my U.S. citizenship, they argue that my birthday is February the 14th, 1967, as opposed to the February 17th I always thought it was. I'm thinking about just letting it be February 14th, though that would mean that I'll turn 40 next year a couple days early, and that just doesn't seem right.

2006-02-04T09:25:00.000-08:00

Hi

I am Olivia. I am really excited about adopting Lu Yu. I have two sisters. So I am excited about getting a brother. I think the pictures are very cute. And Lu Yu will have a good life in our house. My favorite picture is when Lu Yu is laughing. I love Lu Yu.
Olivia

January Photos

2006-01-25T13:07:00.000-08:00

These photos just came today. Wow -- he really has grown! And his hair looks a little less like a mad scientist. (We'll have to fix that. Nothing like a mad scientist to make a family interesting.)

He's Growing

2006-01-25T06:28:00.000-08:00

One difference between China and Taiwan (I mean related to the adoption process) is the flow of information. When adopting from China you wait and wait and wait, but nothing comes until the very end, and then all you get is a little burp of information -- a name (assigned by the orphanage), a supposed birth date, a possibly fabricated story on how the child came to the orphanage, then her weight, height, head circumference -- though that data is usually three to six months old.

The wait for Lu-Yu is going to be different. Waiting for a referral from China is an almost mystical experience, or at least the only way to make it through the long informationless wait it is to be mindful and prayerful. Now we have no end of information: we know his birth date, his birth weight, have his health records, photos from every month of his life, we know his doctor's name, and we know his mother's name. We know this little boy, this son of ours, but he's ten million miles away. And that's just not right.

This is what he weighs at just under 11 months (which puts him at the 50 percentile on the growth chart):

length: 29.33" / 74.5 cm
weight: 22.27 lb / 10.1 kg
head: 17.99" / 45.7 cm

We're relieved that he is healthy. We're grateful to get the information. But I'd rather track his growth by how he feels in my arms.

Birth by Paper

2006-01-20T22:13:00.000-08:00

Looking back at the birth of Olivia and Frida, I feel like we cheated a bit -- other than signing in at the hospital and filling out the birth registration, I don't think that we did a mote of paperwork. Adoptions, at least international ones, are births by paper.

Here's the status of our birthing to date:

Initial application - done
Secondary application - done
Adoption questionnaire - done
Autobiography - done
3 years of tax returns - done
I-600A (immigration) - submitted
Live scan: child abuse check - done (but Luke had to re-do a second time because of a computer failure)
Live scan: state criminal check - done, I think
3 (each) certified long-form birth certificates - Sheri's are done; mine are ordered from Canada, I think, but I can't be sure. Technically you can only have one long-form certified birth certificate and I requested three, which means that my request probably got thrown into the "ignore since he obviously can't read directions and don't return his calls" file.
3 certified marriage certificates - done
3 certified divorce decrees - not yet ;)
3 certified death certificates - knock on wood
3 notarized medical letters - medical done for both; Sheri's waiting notarization and I'm waiting to make sure that I don't have TB. My darn test came back positive and they can't re-test for 30 days. It was either accept the positive, get a chest x-ray, take six months of medecine and don't drink for six months, and get the doctor's signature, or re-test in 30 days. Though it's probably delaying us, I opted for the alcohol.
4 notarized employment verification letters - done
four-page notarized financial statement - done (as long as the actual quantity doesn't matter) but still needs notarizing
one-page notarized financial statement - ditto
2 notarized reference letters - picking up the second this weekend
guardianship form - done
bank deposit verification - hoping to win the lottery before actually verifying
insurance verification for child - done
I-134 affidavit of support - done
certification of identity - done. We are pretty sure we are who we are.
CIS fingerprints - waiting
application of adoption letter - done, though I'm not sure how this differs from the first application letter
5 notarized power of attorney letters - to be notarized still
2 notarized state adoption law summaries - I think our agency's doing this one
2 notarized passport photo pages (plus, I've got to renew my passport) - to be notarized
2 notarized police clearance letters - one down, one to go
2 nursery application letters - done, I think
4 colour photographs - done
1 notarized CIS approval - waiting

Would I rather give birth or collect paper? Well, for the former, at least you can get an epidural.

It's Official

2006-01-17T16:16:00.000-08:00

We just received news from Taiwan that we have been pre-approved to adopt Lu-Yu. I'd much prefer hearing that we're official approved, but that has to do with a combination of U.S. immigration and the Taiwanese courts. However, both really are just formalities.

So, we've got paperwork, notarization, a positive TB test to be re-taken, some child shuffling and re-doing things in our house, lots of prayer, and a name to choose. Today I feel a bit closer on the latter: Seth. It means "chosen." Ah, but is it him who has been chosen or us?

The Picture that Started This All.

2006-01-14T11:24:00.000-08:00

Omidyar.net Discussion

2006-01-14T10:08:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to re-post things said over there over here. But here's the over there if you're interested in reading it.

How many pianos did Bach have?

2006-01-14T10:04:00.000-08:00

Took a while to post this, since I was working on creating my own blog site. Kudos to Blogger for making things way too easy!

December 13, 2005

As my first ever blog post, I'd like to welcome Huang Lu-Yu into our family. Our family has increased by 20% today -- from five to six. I still can't quite wrap my brain around this. We are often overwhelmed with our three girls. How can we handle another child? How can we afford another child? Where the heck is he going to sleep?

He was born on February 23, 2005 and is being cared for at St. Lucy's Home in Tainan, Taiwan. We haven't officially been approved by the orphanage but we have made the decision to proceed.

Didn't Bach have 20 kids? I wonder how many pianos they had in the Bach manor.

The next six to eight months will be a long journey. I thought, as a cool gesture, that I would try to run every morning, so that in eight months I would have reached Tainan. But some quick division and I'd be looking at over 20 miles a day. Hmm. Don't think that's quite possible, but the thought is dead on.

Love is strange. How can I love this boy, how can I already call him my son, when I have only seen a digital photo of him?

Application Letter

2006-01-14T09:56:00.000-08:00

After making the decision to adopt and choosing an agency, one of the first things you have to do is write a letter about why you want to adopt. As are most things in our life, jumping into the things was immediate, or at least looked that way. However, we had been thinking about this step for years. Eventually your gut has to take over, where your head and heart can only take you so far. Anyway, this was my first gut-spilling, and the quick letter became the basis for our application.

Reflections on Our First Adoption Experience

For Sheri, adoption was always a dream. Even after we had our first biological child, Olivia, Sheri knew that some day she would adopt. That dream came to fruition on June 28, 2001, after a very long wait, when we finally met our daughter, Maya.

Except for the waiting, our first adoption was a wonderful experience. We bonded with Maya before we had met her, and once she was with us, we immediately felt as attached to her as we did to Olivia. Seeing those two sisters so comfortable together right from the beginning confirmed that we were meant to be together.

Maya was a scared little girl, and clung to us desperately the first few months. She slowly opened up and has flourished ever since. She is smart, serious, funny, and loyal. She admires her older sister, and is admired by her baby sister. We have been very open with Maya about her adoption story. We incorporate Maya’s Chinese heritage into our family. Our entire extended family feels blessed to have her in our lives.

Even after the birth of our third daughter, Frida, in 2003, we often wondered when we would adopt again. But, as exhausted parents, it was difficult to imagine not only when, but how we would be able to add another child to our family. Parenting isn’t always easy. We can be frustrated and tired, overjoyed and exhilarated – all in the same day. Despite everything, though, at the end of the day we can look back and recognize that we are the best parents for these three girls. And it’s that same recognition that let’s us see that we have room for one more child in our lives.

By no means are we jumping into this second adoption blindly. We have no misconceptions that this will be easy, and we admit that we have fears. We suspect that having a new brother will be at first be difficult for Frida, the baby of our family. We are afraid that each of the girls won’t get the attention they need in those first months as we give special attention to our new son. We understand that the transition and attachment issues may be different than we experienced with Maya, particularly because we will most likely be adopting a child older than she was. But, we are naturally flexible, patient, kind and loving – traits that helped ease Maya’s transition. We trust that they will also help our new son feel at home in our family.

Regardless of how difficult it may at times be, and despite any fears we may have, we are stepping out in faith. We have no doubt that this second adoption is the right decision. And we are very excited. We know what it will feel like to hold him and rock him. We can hear his laughter. We can imagine him running around the corner, chasing one of our cats, in turn being chased by his three sisters. We have a place in our home for this boy.